I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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