I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
