yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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