you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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