why didn't you poke me back
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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