you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hippo gnu deer
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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