Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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