I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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