dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
