East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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