since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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