dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
