I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize