I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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