I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
