Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How external is "for external use only"?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
