Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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