my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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