GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
