I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
