So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
