The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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