morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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