you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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