i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize