quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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