yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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