shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
