I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
