He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
