i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, beer. Big fan.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
