just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
