My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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