You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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