Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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