the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
