I'm so fucking centered right now
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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