I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
