You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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