How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
