let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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