You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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