So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
