Do you still have your period?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
