I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
