You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
