Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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