There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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