saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I believe in your delicious
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
