Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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