how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
