It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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