u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
