Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize