I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
