My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
