I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
