I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
