So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
