I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
