you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
