Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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