Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
