There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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