Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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