I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
