A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
